Gundam Vs. MTV
by Hotaru Winner
Summary: This is what happens when you set the Gundam Pilots loose on TRL


Gundam Vs. MTV  
  
*Screams of wild teenagers echo throughout Times Square in New York City. They are all crowded around a large studio waving large signs around in the air and wearing the strangest outfits that they were able to get out of their homes in*  
  
*Inside a large studio perched above the swarms on the street, more teens are crowded on risers and screaming for a medium-height, black haired, brown eyed man who walked around with a stupid smile on his face*  
  
Carson: Hi everyone! On today's show, we aren't just going to bring you the top ten videos of the day, but since Britney Spears, Cristina Aguilera, 'Nsync, and the Backstreet Boys have all disappeared somewhere, we're going to have The Gundam Pilots co-host today's show with us. *Squints at cue card* I guess they're most well known for their hit "Either You Let Us On This Show Or We're Going To Find Ways To Kill You And All Your Staff In Cruel and Unusual Ways". Anyways, here they are, Heero, Duo, Trowa, Quatre, and Wu-Chan."  
  
Loud Voice From Offstage: Kisama!!! It's Wufei!!!  
  
Carson: Right Heero, Duo, Trowa, Quatre, and Wufei.  
  
Five boys enter the studio, the first tall, dark, monotone looking, and carrying a small handgun. The second skipped behind him, chestnut braid swaying, a large smile on his face and carrying a plastic scythe he had discovered in the props room earlier. The third was much like the first only his face seemed a little bit nicer but since the other half of his face wasn't visible, it was rather difficult to tell. He was carrying a handful of small knives all imprinted with the name Catherine on the blades. The fourth seemed very friendly, shorter with blonde hair, big blue eyes, and carrying a cell-phone and a list with forty names and phone numbers written down on it. The fifth scowled and glared at everyone he passed, holding a large sword in his hand.  
  
Carson: Hi guys! Would you mind introducing yourselves to the home audience since I don't think many people have heard of you.  
  
First boy: My name is Heero Yuy, it's a pleasure. *Glares at audience and points gun at a girl sitting in the second row squealing with light brown hair* Relena, Omae o korosu. *shoots at the girl and makes her run out of the studio rather quickly*  
  
Second Boy: He runs, he hides, but he never lies, I'm Duo Maxwell. *grins evilly and makes half the female audience swoon* Anyone who sees me has got a date with his maker!  
  
  
Third Boy: I have no name but if you must call me something, it's Trowa. Call me Trowa Barton. *stands still, no emotion visible on the half of his face that the audience can see.*  
  
Fourth Boy: My name is Quatre Raberba Winner *Smiles sweetly, causing the other half of the female audience to squeal and swoon*   
  
Fifth Boy: My name is Chang Wufei but you Americans would say it Wufei Chang.   
  
Random ditzy girl from audience: *Stands up twirling a lock of her hair* But I thought Carson said your name was Wu-Chan.  
  
Wufei: Baka!!! That was Maxwell's doing. It is Wufei Chang. Wu-Chan is an honorless name.   
  
Carson: *keeps forcing a smile* Well, here's our number 10 video for the day, *plays some random pop video that gives him about three minutes of relaxation before he has to face the five odd young men again* So guys, what brings you here of all places?  
  
Heero, Trowa, Quatre, and Wufei: *point accusingly at Duo* It's his fault.  
  
Duo: *Grins* I've always wanted to be on MTV.  
  
Carson: Are you guys actors? Singers? Musicians of any sort?  
  
Trowa and Quatre nod, Wufei and Heero glare, Duo hops around the studio, talking to people and trying to pick up some girls  
  
Carson: *gives a sigh of relief* So, what instruments do you two play *directed at Trowa and Quatre*  
  
Quatre: I play the violin and Trowa plays the flute.  
  
Carson: Okay, seriously, do you mean you play the guitar and he plays the keyboards?  
  
Quatre: No, I play the violin and Trowa plays flute. Do you want me to call Rashid to prove it?  
  
Carson: Who's Rashid?  
  
Trowa: His bodyguard. There are forty of them altogether.  
  
Carson: That won't be necessary *Turns to other pilots* What do the rest of you do then?  
  
Heero: Destroy OZ  
  
  
Duo: Become the God of Death  
  
Wufei: Worship Nataku  
  
Carson: Right, well as time would have it, we have to skip the number nine and eight videos and go right into number seven. *He quickly signaled to the camera to zoom in on the audience and then the television screen as he gave a sigh of relief. However, it was one of those really short pop videos and his break from the pilots was very short lived* Okay...so...how are you liking New York?  
  
Heero: It's...interesting  
  
Duo: There are tons of hot chicks here!! *Grins at a cute blond in the second row to his left*  
  
Trowa: ......  
  
Quatre: I really like it, I played my violin on the corner here a few hours ago and people started throwing money. I've never got paid for my playing before! *The entire studio snickers*  
  
Random Guy who's girlfriend is too busy drooling over Quatre and Duo to pay him any attention: Dude, that's because you were acting like a good for nothing bum!  
  
Quatre: *Big blue eyes fill up with tears* I'm not a bum. Not to brag or anything but I happen to be the richest person in the universe. I didn't exactly need the money but they kept giving it to me.  
  
Wufei: Shut up Winner! *Glares at Carson* This city is weak!!! The people here are honor less and have no sense of justice!! You should build a monument to Nataku in the front of your silly building and give the people something to inspire them.  
  
Carson: *Scratches his head* Who's Nataku?  
  
Wufei: Honor less Kisama!! Nataku is the almighty one, she is the only trust symbol of justice and honor in this world! *Keeps ranting and raving, not noticing when Carson sighs and looks away. The entire studio just blocks him out and waits for the interview to continue*  
  
Carson: *mumbles something to the film crew* Oh look at the time, we're going to have to skip the number 6, 5, and 4 videos too. Here's your third requested video of the day  
  
Duo: *hops into a mass of girls sitting on the risers and grins happily*  
  
Carson: *as the video ends* So I take it you're finding some new friends Duo?  
  
  
Duo: *is too busy chatting up the ladies to respond*  
  
Carson: *mutters* Great, the only normal one out of the five and he won't talk to me. *Stops and looks up at the other four who are looking at him curiously and quickly scans his "basic interview questions" part of his mind* Ummm...how long have you four been together?  
  
Quatre: About two years  
  
Wufei: *still rants about no one knowing who Nataku is*  
  
Heero: Too long  
  
Trowa: *nods in agreement*  
  
Carson: Right, where do you plan on going after this?  
  
Heero: *pulls out random handgun* If we told you, I'd have to kill you.  
  
Carson: Okay, let's skip that question. *scans around his mind for more ideas to take up the time* Let's take some questions from the audience  
  
Random Teeny-bopper: Where are your leather pants?  
  
Quatre: We don't wear leather, it's not very practical.   
  
Same teeny-bopper: What do you wear then?  
  
Quatre: *glances around at the other five guys* Ummm...khakis, spandex, white silk, black pilot pants, and denim.  
  
Teeny-bopper: that's stupid, you guys suck.  
  
Heero: *fires shots into the air* Omae o korosu.  
  
Teeny-bopper: Eeep!  
  
Carson: Okay, ummmm...let's take another question from the audience  
  
Random Dopey Punk Rock Boy: Dude...do you guys dig chicks with or without piercings?  
  
Heero: I don't care  
  
Duo: Definitely with  
  
  
Trowa: What's the point of them?  
  
Quatre: It doesn't really matter to me  
  
Wufei: Kisama!! What honorable onna would allow anyone to poke holes through her body?  
  
Dopey Punk Rock Boy: *points to Duo* Rock on Dude.  
  
Carson: Great! Well...It's now time for our number 2 video and it's by Nsync, it's really too bad they couldn't be here today but we'll make sure to have some news on why they couldn't make it with Kurt Loader later on tonight. *Zooms to video and while it's playing turns to the five guys* Look, I know you're not a musical group and I know you are here only because you threatened the staff but could you please sing something when we go back on the air, play something, anything, just make it seem like you do something related to the entertainment field.  
  
Five Gundam Pilots: *nod simultaneously*  
  
Carson: Good *puts on phony smile as the camera zooms back on him* As a special surprise today, we're going to have these guys preform for the first time ever here on our little show. Go ahead guys and take it away.  
  
Heero: *Hums off key*  
  
Duo: *Dances around like a maniac singing a song by Metallica at the top of his lungs*  
  
Trowa and Quatre: *produce violin and flute from hammerspace and began to do their duet. Just as suddenly, a drummer, guitarist and keyboardist are created and join them*  
  
Wufei: *Glares at the audience before clearing his throat and singing...* (in tune to "I'm A Little Teapot)  
  
You are the Nataku  
proud and strong,  
you do right while I do wrong.  
When I feel unworthy, hear my song  
It's very stupid and not very long.  
  
Audience: *Ignores Heero, Duo, and Wufei while watching Quatre and Trowa perform*  
  
  
Carson: *grabs random staff member* I see a classical music revival. Find some band to do a Mozart revival show here next week! *The performance ends and he rushes back over to the five guys* Well, here it is, your number one video of the day and once again, it's from the Backstreet Boys. *Waits happily as the video ends* Well people, that's all the time we have today. It's been great having you guys around. *Nods to the pilots* Well, we'll see you tomorrow then. Bye...*is cut off by the screaming of 10 male voices and three other female ones squealing. Seconds later, the Backstreet Boys, 'Nsync, Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera, and Relena Peacecraft all run into the studio*  
  
Carson: Where were you guys earlier? We were supposed to do a show together!  
  
Justin Timberlake: We got tied up by that girl over there! *Points to Relena who smiles sweetly and tries to act innocent*  
  
Heero: *mutters* Omae o korosu  
  
Relena: *spots him and squeals happily* HEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRROOOOOOOO!!! I've missed you so much He-koi!  
  
Heero: Don't even think about it.... *Relena runs over and glomps him* Omae o korosu  
  
Nick Carter: What is he saying?  
  
Duo, Trowa, Quatre, and Wufei: *in unison* I'm going to kill you  
  
All ten members of the two boy bands: *also in unison* Please, please, please please!!!!  
  
Britney and Christina: Don't even think about it. *step in trying to look menacing enough to protect their new friend*  
  
JC: *groans* I forgot about those two for a minute  
  
Duo: *looks interested* Who are they? They're hot!  
  
Brian: They're also annoying as all hell.   
  
Heero: Bakas  
  
Wufei: Honor less onnas!! Worship Nataku and be saved!!!  
  
Christina: Okay, Relena, you've got your guy now we get ours!!! *Fixes her eyes on Nick and smiles evilly* Come here Nicky-poo  
  
Britney: *squeals and runs over to grope Justin* I love you my dearest heart!!  
  
Nick and Justin: Get her off!!!  
  
  
Carson: *looks around as the studio begins to shake with all the activity taking place in it* What's going on here? Should I call Spin, Seventeen, Teen, Preteen, Prepreteen, Almost a Teen, and Not Even Close To a Teen and let them know about this?  
  
Heero: *Manages to pull out of Relena's elastic embrace and whips out the gun* Omae o korosu *shoots in her direction but they just hit her and bounce right back off*   
  
Relena: I know how you like playing hard to get and everything so I came prepared *pulls up her shirt to reveal.... a bulletproof vest.  
  
Heero: Damn it  
  
Duo, Trowa, Quatre, and Wufei: *snicker*  
  
Justin and Nick: Help!!!!  
  
Just then, a figure wearing a long black cloak and a white Scream mask runs onto the set and shoves a knife into Relena's back. She screams and drops dead where she was standing.   
  
Guy wearing the mask and cloak: Am I in the wrong place?  
  
Heero: Yes, but thanks anyways  
  
Guy wearing the mask and cloak: I take it she wasn't wearing protective gear then.  
  
Heero: *nods*  
  
Guy wearing the mask and cloak: I take it that's not corn syrup and red food coloring.  
  
Heero: *nods again*  
  
Guy wearing the mask and cloak: Oh shit, I'm out of here. Does anyone know where they're shooting Scream 19?  
  
Studio Audience: *points to the right*  
  
Guy wearing the mask and cloak: Thanks a lot *looks around* I was never here *turns and vanishes out the door*  
  
Heero: *Looks down at Relena's lifeless body* Damn it *lets a few rounds loose at her even though she is already dead.*  
  
  
Justin and Nick: Finally manage to push Britney and Christina away with the help of their bandmates.   
  
Justin: Is there anyways we can keep them away from us?  
  
Nick: Please, we'll do anything  
  
Quatre and Trowa: *nod and smile at each other before walking over to whisper in their ears*  
  
Justin and Nick: *sweatdrop* Are you sure that's the only way?  
  
Trowa and Quatre: Yes, and they'll never bother you again  
  
Justin and Nick: *sigh*   
  
Nick: Christina, Britney, we have something we need to tell you  
  
Reporters from all over the city are immediately transferred into the studio and await his next sentence eagerly with microphones shoved in their faces.  
  
Justin: *grimaces* We're gay  
  
Britney and Christina: NOOOOOOOO!!! *Melt away into a big pink bubble-gum mess on the floor*  
  
Quatre and Trowa: *applaud loudly*  
  
Wufei: *pokes at Relena's remains with Katana* Are you sure she's dead  
  
Heero: *shrugs* I think so  
  
Relena: *Opens her eyes and jumps up for one last glomp but it stopped by Wufei effortlessly slicing her head off and throwing it into the audience*  
  
Heero: She is now  
  
Carson: Wow, what do you know, we managed to fill up the hour after all. Well folks, we'll see you tomorrow when we'll have Justin and Nick here to talk about their new relationship and how it's going to affect their music and band relationships in the future. Bye now.  
  
Heero, Duo, Trowa, Quatre, and Wufei: *all smile and wave at the camera* Ja!!!! 


End file.
